Nobody wants to be used in a relationship. It is insulting and degrading. You may begin the relationship with the assumption that you are both feeling the same things for one another. Things are going along nicely and you are working to develop a good partnership with someone when all of a sudden, you begin to get those niggling feelings that something isn’t quite right.
You sense that this person you are becoming emotionally attached to is not with you for the same reasons at all, but is only using you for something that they want to gain. There are various things that the person may be looking for, but whatever it is, they are trying to build a relationship with you where you will do virtually all the giving while they do nothing but take from you. It will exhaust you, mentally, emotionally, and physically, leaving you with nothing to show for what you have contributed to this person’s life. If you are unsure about whether or not you are being used in a relationship, the following are five signs that you can look for to better assess the situation.
1-You are rarely together at times that you want to be, but are always dependent on the other person’s schedule. This is a classic sign of someone who is going to do nothing but take. When you need him or her, they aren’t available, but when they want to be with you, you will go out of your way to be sure that you can be with them. Relationships take time to develop, but it shouldn’t always be one person’s preference of when that time is.
2-When you are together, you are doing whatever the other person wants to. While there is nothing wrong with doing what they want some of the time, there is something wrong if you are never doing what you want. For example, if your partner is an avid sports fanatic and you enjoy visiting museums, you should be doing both of these activities from time to time. If you are only doing the one that he or she is interested in, this signifies that they aren’t really that interested in you as a whole person, but only what you can add to their life.
3-In some cases, people are used for financial gain. We call the people that enter relationships for these reasons “gold diggers” and they will drain the person that they are with of everything if they are permitted to do so. If your partner is regularly interested in discussing your financial status and seems intent on getting “things” as often as possible, he or she may be using you for your money. In extreme cases, they may even begin to ask for loans or for you to pay their personal bills. While you are only dating, this is not a good sign. They may also want to move in together rather quickly and have you begin to financially support them.
4-A person who is using someone will often ask for favors on a regular basis. If they have children, you might become an on call babysitter, if they don’t have a vehicle, you might become a taxi driver. While there is nothing wrong with two people helping one another in a relationship, there is a problem when one person is doing all of the helping and the other is consistently needing help.
5-Another way that some people use others is for physical pleasure. If you have become nothing more than a “booty call”, so to speak, and most of the time that you are spending together is being spent in a bed, this is probably a good sign that you are being used. You deserve to be getting much more from a relationship than that and it’s time to leave if you aren’t.
No one can be used in a relationship, unless they are permitting a person to use them. It is up to you to read the signs and be honest with yourself about what is going on. If you choose to stay, you will have no one to blame but yourself when you are worn out and have had everything taken from you. It is also a choice that you can make to leave and find someone that you can give to and also receive from in a healthy relationship that will bring you happiness.