If we’re are looking to be in a committed relationship and perhaps get married, it’s not as hard as we have heard UNLESS we are avoiding a reality check and plow ahead into catch twenty two situations and thus find ourselves gifted with a problem we can’t see. The art of communicating is the central key to any relationship. What we say, don’t say, what we hear while we’re listening and what we listen to while hearing all plays a significant part in the vibe of relating. Our body language and movements speak volumes or give clues, and all of these communicable messages are subject to personal interpretation. The personal interpretation of all communication is hinged on the level of skills one has in listening and and interpreting works spoken. The desire to say it right or hear it right does not make up for the skills needed to fulfill the said intention.
We cannot bring to the table of communication what we hope to achieve without first admitting we’re possibly culpable in the absence of that achievement and may have a part to play in the search for clarity regarding the person or persons in who you’re relating to… A refusal to look inward with balance insinuates a greater blockage to ones ability to acquire communicating skills or to communicate in general. What we say is not often what we mean, and what we mean to often more than not is left unsaid due to the lack of communication skills we have or are willing to utilize. Sadly, we misconstrue our spiritual experiences in “Church” as the constitutional strength of our communication abilities, but some of the most violent and vile relationships are members of our local churches with a professional dress that drapes the hidden pains.
If we have to many secrets or falsehoods roaming our subconscious mind, this can hinder the integrity of acquiring good communication skills. The desire to hide agendas, faults, guilt or fears come out in mis-communication. A plethora of open wounds placates the intention to communicate because the issues at hand are obviously intertwined with past hurts and offenses that has nothing to do with the present person with whom you are relating, but everything to to with those with whom you felt less empowered to talk to without penalty. It’s like mirroring communication which occurs very often in intimate relationships or marriage, when we refuse to address issues of the past, that refusal teams with denial and efforts to be integral in relating is compromised.
Communication skills are acquired intentionally, not by accident. We have to be willing to see communication as a journey of learning, the art of reading and transcribing messages or signals and ciphering the misguided ones. Consider our workplace, how often do we adapt (though reluctantly) at work because we know the end game is a pay check- we change our intention to keep our job, thereby keep our money in the form of a paycheck flowing. Communication has gifts as its end game only when we are open to accept what we may or may not be saying intentionally or unintentionally. To many signal getting crossed with no clear interpretation leaves a void and calls for speculation and assumptions.
Communication is also based on a set of shared values and moral objectives. If a person doesn’t believe in a particular value you hold dear, talking about it won’t make that value a reality unless the talking strictly for considerations of the said values.. Learning the love language you speak and the love language of those with who you are relating with and to can would help clarify why what you are doing at the moment may not be working in-spite your best effort. In our relationships, we to often cannot see the joy of the end skilled communication and to often causally approach serious matters with a taste of sarcasm, religious piety and intellectual cynicism subconsciously penalizing the person in front of us for past issues that really don’t involve them.
EXAMPLE: One reason why many women are single could be that while they aim to aspire to have a man “different” from their past, the signals they send along with the actions they take demand the same magnetic pulsations they’ve generated before in attracting men that “simulate” their past- But! if they are fortunate to attract a man of their aspirations and has never encountered someone like him before, they must be willing to also upgrade their communication abilities to ensure that are not driving that man away! Why? The men of her past set the mark for what was valued as communication and what was not valued (If there was a consistent man involved), the man of her aspirations challenges that mark of those valuations and seeks to move beyond her reference point.
THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION: Will she be resistant to the aspiring man’s communication skills or will she stretch to experience something she never imagined and find more than physical chemistry in her relationship! The same can be said of men who grew up with no communicable experiences in the home on a positive level. However, since men have fewer words to speak than women who have nearly 7 times more words it helps to know men struggle naturally to communicate and if you are engaged with a man who talks, shares or at least attempts to it is a unexpected gift you have received. The refusal to hear and or listen in any relationship damages its potential growth even if the outcome accomplished is different that desired.