Two donkeys, Napoleon and Antosia, were reunited at a Polish zoo yesterday after being separated for a week. The pair have been together for about ten years and have had six colts together, but were split up after some mothers were upset at the display of them getting some ass in front of their own children. Apparently the mothers had a problem with animals mating, despite the fact that that’s how they (presumably) became mothers in the first place.
For those who don’t know, mating is often done by members of most species in order to procreate and have offspring. In layman’s terms, this means they have sex in order to make babies, and sometimes just for fun. Animals are notorious for not caring whether or not other animals, like humans, see them doing this, what with it being natural and all.
“Animals separated by sex into different cages? It’s complete idiocy,” said Stefan Niesiołowski, a politician displaying common sense and rationality that had apparently escaped others for a week or so. Another politician, Lydia Dudziak, eager to revive the old Polack jokes from back in the day, had taken up the cause with a stubbornness normally reserved for mules.
Dudziak apparently visited the zoo because of the complaints of a few mothers who wanted to shield their children from learning about the natural behavior of animals. Apparently they thought donkeys were more like Eeyore than the democrat party that they represent in the United States.
The outcry over the broken hearted beasts of burden caused a campaign to be waged on their behalf, which included creating a Facebook page and a petition. Animal experts began to point out that separating the couple of ten years would be harmful to their well-being. Everybody else in the world, except Dudziak and the braying mothers, shrugged their shoulders and said “duh.”
The zoo admitted that they were wrong when Dudziak drove them to separate the pair, saying “It was never our intention for any animals to feel uncomfortable because of their natural behaviours.” The two animals were heartbroken, presumably having to pace their new pens alone to pass the time while separated and unable to participate in their normal activity.
Adam Hoffman, a spokesman for the conservative Law and Justice Party that Dudziak belongs to, said only “It’s a level of absurdity … that has been crossed to such an extent that I don’t even want to read or know about this.”
He stopped short of calling her a jackass.