Are you living in a fantasy world or do you see life in reality? How about in your relationships? Have you ever stayed in a relationship because of the fantasy you wished it to be instead of the reality you are living or have been living? People stay in situations conducive of emotional and perhaps even physical pain for many reasons: the individual is hopeful of change, is minimizing the actually suffering in the relationship (in denial because of the fantasy), is fearful of being alone or independent, is disabled mentally or physically and is unable to overcome the barriers of leaving, or perhaps this individual has accepted the suffering because he or she doesn’t feel worthy of a healthy life.
It can be difficult to think rationally when you are confronted with barriers such as the many proposed above. Survival becomes the core of coping and therefore beneficial aspects as to what an individual actually deserves such as living a healthy life becomes a low priority.
Do you ever wonder why a battered person doesn’t leave an abusive relationship? Many times, this individual loves his or her partner and lives within a hopeful heart space; she or he does not want to believe that the abuser is a monster but believes instead that this assailant is a victim of life hardship. And, in dealing with such difficulty, this perpetrator only knows one way to process the turmoil in his or her life and this is to take it out on the person closest to them. In other words, the survivor may feel, if only the world would be more accepting of my partner instead of making things hard for him or her, the anger would then go away and my partner will be the person I believe him or her to be instead of the abuser. But, the reality is, it isn’t about what is going on in the outside world that causes the an abusive person to abuse, it’s internal. There will always be triggers but regardless and it is a choice to harm others, it is criminal to abuse, emotionally or physically!
If you are suffering domestic violence or sexual assault or you know someone who is, it is important to seek help. It doesn’t matter what you have done, you do not deserve to be abused. Wherever you are, there is help in your community. When you get a moment of relief, a moment of safety, call theHotline.org, “Trained advocates are available to take your calls through our toll free, 24/7 hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).”
October is domestic violence awareness month. Please help yourself and/or someone you may know who is suffering. There are local shelters and advocates who work with survivors to help them become independent and live free from abuse.
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