The only way to escape from your past is to recreate your life, especially if you are burdened with insecurities from a previous relationship. Starting over from scratch after an emotionally scarring long term relationship can be very difficult. You may make every excuse in the book to not start over such as “Well we’ve been together this long already, I might as well stay”, “I am comfortable with this person”, or “I don’t want to start over with someone new, having someone new discover my strengths and weaknesses.”
Once you discover that the only way for you to be truly happy is to move on, you must recreate yourself. Sometimes you lose yourself in bad relationships which will result in multiple insecurities. While for most it is best to conquer these insecurities before entering a new relationship, there are some people who will need a new relationship in order to conquer them.
Being with a new person, someone who is right for you will defeat the purpose to feel insecure. When entering this new territory after the previously bad relationship, your doubts, fears, and insecurities may try to sabotage your life. You will be thinking of everything that had happened in the past and what your previous partner did to you. This may prevent you from opening up due to the fear of not wanting to get hurt again.
Opening up to someone new is a tough thing to do. But in order to heal and rid yourself from your insecurities you must take the plunge. Though it is a good idea to stay guarded for a while and slowly open up to your new partner. Think of the signs in your previous relationship that led to the downward spiral and how early they could be detected. If there were signs from the beginning then check to see if you can see those signs with the new person.
For every month you are with that person, open up a little more. Learn to trust again by paying attention to how well they keep promises and how well you can depend on them. Trust is not something that should just be given away; it is something that is earned. If they truly care about you, and know what you have been through in the past, then they should understand that it will take a while for them to earn your trust.
Keep in mind that you shouldn’t distrust someone unless they’ve given you a reason to. Having someone earn your trust and distrusting them are two different things. Distrusting someone is when they have already shown you signs of disloyalty. Having someone earn your trust is seeing if they are worthy of your trust. With someone earning your trust they have yet to give you a reason to distrust them.
Remember that no one is perfect and everyone does make mistakes. If they make a white lie at the beginning of a relationship, such as the length of their longest relationship, and you find out later on that they were fibbing, don’t hold it against them. They’re only human and they were probably telling you what they thought you wanted to hear. This is common in new relationships as you are trying to impress the person you are starting to see.
Constantly remind yourself that this new person is not your ex. They didn’t put you through everything that your ex did. Do not hold your ex’s actions against your current significant other. This is your chance to start over new. Unless they have given you a reason to think they will hurt you like your ex, give them the benefit of the doubt and learn to trust again. It is okay to be cautious but don’t hold another’s actions against them.
Nothing in life is certain and it is true you may get hurt again. All you can do is take this as a life lesson and allow it to make you stronger as a person. Just give it time and you will find the person who is right for you.