With Christmas approaching, wives who suspect infidelity will be on high alert.
The media treats cheating spouses as if they’re overgrown teenagers who are looking for a good time, but that’s not always true. Some of them have decided that their marriage is hopeless and they want to leave. They’re searching for The One and when they connect with someone in a meaningful way they’re filled with hope. That’s not what wives want to hear because it means that they’re in the process of divorce.
A marriage counselor may not be able to help them. If they realize that a relationship is broken beyond repair then they won’t try to save it; instead they’ll campaign for an amicable divorce. My sister’s first marriage ended that way when she had two little kids and a six month old baby. The counselor realized that her husband was emotionally abusive and that he wasn’t going to get better. If he did then it would be a small improvement and it wouldn’t be enough to make a difference.
I’ve been in the couples’ counseling office too and it didn’t work for us either. For years I was engaged to marry a man who secretly wanted to be in a different kind of relationship with a different kind of woman and so he neglected our relationship. As a boyfriend, Arash had a secret double life, and as a fiance he drifted at the bottom of the proverbial bell curve. That is actually a very common problem and marriage counselors can’t fix it.
When husbands have an extramarital affair, their wives sometimes blame “The Other Woman”, but it’s likely that she didn’t know that he’s married. There are men who remove their wedding ring when they go to work, and when they join dating websites they don’t tell the women who they meet there.
If she does know then she must be extremely intelligent because men go to extremes to hide it. They may decide to be strictly platonic friends. During the holidays look in the garbage can to see if your husband received a “gag gift” which is a silly present that is given for strictly comedic effect. For example, it may be a baseball cap that says “I’m married” or a ring that has flashing lights. It’s an extremely clear sign that she walked away from the entire situation and now they’re just friends.
If she chooses to stay in the relationship then her holidays will be the worst ever. Every Christmas, just like clockwork, married men around the world excuse themselves from their girlfriends under various false pretenses. The women’s calls go into voice mail and their texts go unanswered for too long. The men’s wives watch their cell phones for that kind of activity. It’s not located there. It’s on a secret cell phone that’s hidden away from the house. Unless he’s a total moron. There are still a few stupid guys who co-mingle their secret double life on the same phone and hope that the security features will prevent their wives from breaking in. Locking one’s spouse out of one’s phone is an extremely clear admission of guilt.