It was a cool night. Somewhere in between summer and fall – too warm for a winter coat but still there was just enough chill in the air to chill my bones. I could hear the sirens and I did not know if it was a fire engine, a police car or an ambulance that I was hearing. They were getting closer. I became so confused and my heart began to race so much and so hard that it almost hurt my head and my thoughts began to race. I could not breathe until I found out; I raced out not caring that I was in my shorts pajamas. I raced out, jumped into the car and I drove until I could find the sirens and the lights “chasing” nearby could find me. Then there it was – a body laying limp not yet covered over, laying on the ground. My body and my mind suddenly went limp – almost comatose. I could not have been sitting there for long, as the lights drew nearer and the sirens were instantly upon us – upon me. My dread was so severe that I could not move – I could not even cry. “Where is my son?” I asked myself. Suddenly, I was a part of this scene – this ugly cold scene. As much as I wanted to escape, I just stood still too afraid to look – almost comatose. Then my brother – in law came out to meet me. He hopped into the car pushing me aside. backing the car out past the barriers, the yellow tape, the person who now lay lifeless beside me – so near to me. Once back in the drive way, something inside of me broke – when I saw my son something inside of me broke. I hugged and I kissed him so hard, as he exclaimed to me, “but mom I am okay”. I could see that as he stood before me, that indeed it was not him who lay on the cold naked ground. This person – somebody’s son belonged to the voice who cried out in the distance – the terrible, horrible wretched sound that came from the mother. I could hear her voice inside of my heart and to this day, I take it with me.
There was nothing that I could do. I wrote a poem and placed it along with a teddy bear dressed in the school colors at the memorial sight and on the first year of the memorial of his death, I lit a candle but soon I moved away. However, I have never forgotten how I felt that day. I carry that feeling with me every single day.
So don’t ask me to take sides on any issue that involves the taking of anyone’s life because I am on nobody’s side but I am on the side of the mother, the father, that person left behind to grieve and to feel the most unbearable sorrow ever felt – that of a parent that must bury a child http://newday.blogs.cnn.com/2014/08/25/the-moms-of-michael-brown-trayvon-martin-and-sean-bell-speak-out/.
GOD BLESS THE CITIZENS OF FERGUSON, MISSOURI – ALL OF THEM!
THE SONS YOU HAVE TAKEN AWAY TONIGHT
For nine months I carried you,
Making sure that I ate right,
Exercised, caring for myself until the day you was due,
I could not sleep at night,
Worrying about whether or not I would be a good mother,
About your health, your education and your well-being,
Then you arrived on that faithful day, and like no other,
Time since I conceived you, your future I was seeing,
Suddenly, I knew it would be okay,
When I heard you cry and I held you in my arms,
There was nothing left to say,
I was instantly in your charms,
Time went by, good and bad times until this day,
If I carried you, nurtured you and cared for you,
Brought you up to be a man,
You were my birth right, if each day there was a plan,
Then I must ask, please help me understand,
All that I did – all that we did so that you could stand,
Only God and I could ever conceive the right,
If that is true, I pray with all my might,
That you can answer to God and to all the mothers,
Of the sons you have taken away tonight.