Following their analysis of data from over two million of their active members, the on-line dating website, Are You Interested (AYI.com), recently reported an ”exponential rise in senior citizens dating like teenagers.” The report appeared in a recent Inquisitr posting on the Internet.
Further, according to Inquisitr, “AYI.com revealed (an) increasing number of older people are turning to online dating sites in a bid to find romance again.” The report proclaimed that, “the older generation is rapidly, and eagerly, taking to social media platforms like Facebook and treating these portals as a soft launching pad to enter the online dating scene.”
The article goes on to report that, “…these individuals have a rather stricter selection policy about their next partner when compared to teens and other young people. Interestingly, online dating sites have enthusiastically reworked heir platforms to cater to the needs of older crowds, and they noticed some quite peculiar and somewhat concerning trends.”
Oh, the times, they are a-changing! This refrain is from a very famous Peter, Paul, and Mary song. And the truth is, people, including seniors, are finding love in different ways than they did is year’s past. Online dating is a reality today.
According to recent estimates – and we think they are pretty credible – one in eight couples who got married last year met online. Some think the number is closer to one in four. However, we see no evidence that supports this conclusion. One in eight is a much more accurate estimate.
So here is the most important question – is it appropriate and safe to meet online, particularly for individuals over the age of 50? Are there some basic “rules” you should follow when engaging in this activity? The answer is YES! If you were to Google “on-line safety tips,” you will find many sources of information regarding the do’s and don’ts of online dating. Some of these websites are very good. Others – not so much!
The on-line scams are numerous and recurring. Most of them cost you money . . . or worse! It is no different with on-line dating. The scams are numerous and great vigilance is warranted.
Our research over the years has found at least SEVEN major on-line dating risks that warrant great vigilance. Reviewing the safety tips that are outlined is important as adherence to them could make the difference between a good and a bad experience with online dating – between a safe experience and a dangerous one. Here are SEVEN major on-line dating risks:
On-Line Dating Risk #1
1. Be Mindful of the Stalkers. Let’s face it; there are bad people out there who would like to stalk you! They aren’t interested in love, companionship, or togetherness. What they want is a vulnerable person who is desperately in need of love and companionship, who would bare their soul to garner both – behaviors that make them easy to stalk by bad people. We are reminded of a story that came to light during a recent interview that we conducted with a young women. When she got to the location of the “first date” she had arranged from an on-line dating service, she discovered that the man walking up to her did not look like the man in the photo, did not drive the car he said he had, and did not look at all like the “man of means” he described in their various email exchanges. Her instincts told her to run! She did. We can only wonder what might have happened to her if she had followed through on this date.
On-Line Dating Risk #2
2. Don’t Wish for Love. People wanting companionship wish for someone to love. They will often ignore the warning signs of a so-called on-line “admirer” because they just want someone to love. Our advice – approach your on-line love search objectively. Do not be duped into falling for contrived “lines,” promises, or commitments of Nirvana. Very carefully analyze everything you are told on-line. We are reminded of an important notion – trust but verify! Wishing for love does not make love real.
On-Line Dating Risk #3
3. Always Seek the Truth. The most important approach to on-line dating is to always ask the tough questions – the important questions – the right questions! Oh, we know, you are afraid that if you ask the questions that are on your mind you might offend somebody. But seriously, do you expect to get the truth if you don’t ask the right questions? Remember, you want a person to date – and potentially love – that is honest, that is real. When you ask the questions that are important to you, you are in search of the truth.
On-Line Dating Risk #4
4. Don’t start a Relationship with Promises of Sex. Here is the simple truth, when you make it clear that sex is your primary reason for dating, you change the entire dynamics of on-line dating. People in search of real love do not begin the conversation with talk about sex! Sex can be both emotional and satisfying. But some people just want sex for the sake of sex! There is no emotionality, no love, and no commitment. When you are in search of true love on the Internet, always remember that sex is a by-product and has very little to do with long-term commitment. If you want true love, don’t promise sex on the Internet!
On-Line Dating Risk #5
5. Actions Speak Louder than Words! It is important to recognize this important fact – the words that someone speaks to you mean little. It is their actions that tell you who they are and what they truly believe. People can tell you all kinds of things on the Internet. The question you should ask is this – how much of what they tell me is true? Do not be duped blindly into thinking that what someone tells you on the Internet is true. Words matter for sure. But so does the truth. Probe, question, and demand that their words parallel their actions. Expect nothing less.
On-Line Dating Risk #6
6. Core Values Matter. Core values matter! It is highly important that someone you’re willing to date have a value system that matches your own. What you believe, matters! If you are willing to date someone whose value system is different from your own, go ahead and do so. But, if you are like most people, you want to date someone who shares your core values. Do not be naïve or misled. If their beliefs come through as different from your own when perusing an on-line dating system, move on! You cannot expect to find love and happiness with someone whose core values are different from your own.
On-Line Dating Risk #7
7. Highlight What Really Matters to You. When you want to find the person of your dreams, engage in this one simple act – tell the truth about what really matters to you. Too often, the good folks that utilize an on-line dating service want to embellish the truth. Too often, they want to make themselves better than they are – more handsome or beautiful, more accomplished, more bon vivant. In the end, you are who you are. Tell the truth. Express what really matters to you. Getting someone who is interested in you under false pretenses is always a bad idea. In the end, capturing the true fancy of another human being always depends on telling the truth. Highlighting what really matters to you will capture the fancy of those who share your beliefs and core values. In the end, that is what really matters.
These are the self-evident truths of on-line dating. Remember them well. Find true love, but be careful about it!
Discover what happily married women know about what makes a man marriage material and learn other revealing truths in How to Marry the Right Guy.
By Dr. Charles and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz
America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts
*For hundreds of tips to enhance your relationship get the best-selling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts. Available wherever books are sold.