For the remainder of the Reaper Bones reviews, Talien AKA Tal (the satyr paladin) and Maleficent AKA Mal (the half-fey/half-fiend sorceress) will review familiars as part of a new series, “That Familiar Show,” a sort of fantasy dog show. In this installment, they review a dark fairy.
Mal: Welcome back to another episode of “That Familiar Show” where we review the weird, wacky, and just plain pathetic world of familiars.
Tal: In today’s installment we interview the dark fairy–
Mal: Our first REAL talking familiar.
Tal: You’re not going to forgive me for the whole ventriloquist zombie thing are you?
Mal: As I was SAYING…your good-aligned druid might want a happy pixie to follow him around, sprinkling everything with fairy dust and glowing cutely. That’s not this guy.
Dark Fairy (DF): Hiya.
Mal: Welcome. So what kind of fairy are you?
DF: The Seelie-type.
Tal: The kind who will stab you in the back…
DF: …or take your teeth right out of your mouth and shove a gold piece in your pie hole for your trouble.
Tal: That is very specific.
Mal: What have you got on your back there?
DF: A backpack.
Tal: And that’s a spear?
DF: Yeah. It’s hooked for use in teeth extraction.
Tal: You bring teeth up a lot.
DF: Falling out with my former mistress.
Mal: We’ve all been there. What kind of type do you prefer?
DF: I like tall, dark green women with horns.
Mal: I was talking about your arcane master, short stuff, but good try.
Tal: Wow, swing and a miss.
DF: I’m looking for a new mistress.
Tal: So I’m just going to guess here but…you worked for the tooth fairy right?
DF: How could you tell?
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