Sarah Palin and the Palin family brawl machine rolled into Anchorage last month in a stretch limo, and left with their mouths bloodied, their knees dirtied and their northern yokel reputations solidly furrowed into the Alaskan permafrost.
Writes CNN on Oct. 9: “Nobody is being charged in a drunken brawl that involved a white limousine full of members of Sarah Palin’s family, police in Alaska said Thursday. But it sure sounds like things got out of hand, with the host of the September house party where it all happened saying the Palins got into a fight they ended up losing.”
The full 24-page report, seen here in its entirety, provides the disreputable details widely reported on last month by salivating gossip sites. The Sarah Palin Family Brawl – sounds like a Wikipedia entry may be forthcoming.
The raucous backwoods brawl occurred on Sept. 6, and based on the report, the Alaskan politician and her family brood had quite the hullabaloo. Sarah Palin’s eldest daughter, Bristol Palin, showed off a strong right hook and proved that her jabs are a lot stronger than her (Dancing with the Stars) foxtrot, while brother Track Palin traded jabs with his sister Willow’s ex-boyfriend Conner Cleary.
All the while former Alaska governor Sarah Palin, who initially lied in a Facebook post and said was “traveling” on the day of the party, was running about the Jerry Springer-like kerfuffle and simultaneously name-dropping herself with “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Sarah Palin!”
The police report states officers responded to the 911 call of “20 subjects in the street fighting.” Officer Justin Blake wrote:
There were multiple individuals walking towards the limousine. One of the males was not wearing a shirt and was bloody (Track Palin). I smelled the strong odor of alcohol coming from the group of subjects. I contacted Bristol Palin outside of the limousine. I smelled the odor of alcohol coming from Bristol.
Officer Blake says that the group was at a birthday party, hosted by Korey Klingenmeyer, and was celebrating combined parties for Sarah’s husband Todd Palin and family friend Matthew McKenna and his twin brother. According to the report, “Bristol said the owner of the house Korey came up to her and pushed her to the ground. Bristol said Korey called her a ‘slut’ over and over. Bristol said someone then pulled her around on the grass by her feet.”
Klingenmeyer, who was repeatedly punched by Bristol, offered a very different version, according to the report. He told officers that Bristol threatened to “kick his a**” and after she punched him once, he reportedly told the 23-year-old Bristol that she could “hit him again if it makes her feel better, and she does,” the report said, adding that Bristol hit him six times with “pretty hard” punches before he grabbed her and knocked her down in defense.
Track Palin of course weighed in with his side, according to the report, stating that “some guys were talking rudely to his sisters making them cry,” and that he was sucker punched and ended up fighting with four “skinny white males.”
On Sept. 19, Sarah Palin alluded to Bristol’s throwdown, defending her daughter on Facebook and writing: “I love my Bristol! My straight-shooter is one of the strongest young women you’ll ever meet. I have to say this as a proud mama: right up there with their work ethic and heart for those less fortunate, my kids’ defense of family makes my heart soar!”
Oh boy. And to think this family almost produced our Vice President…