Talien (AKA Tal) the satyr paladin and Maleficent (AKA Mal) the half-fiend/half-fey sorceress are back with yet another talk show, this one reviewing famous monsters and disasters from the Syfy channel, with stats for 5th Edition Dungeons & Dragons. In this installment…well, you know what they say about big feet.
Mal: If you make one more joke about foot size I’m going to murder you right here on the show.
Tal: Sooo…you don’t want to talk about Bigfoot?
Mal: Not particularly.
Tal: This version of Bigfoot is two stories tall–
Mal: Whoa, whoa, whoa, WAIT. Hold up. Two stories? As in twenty feet tall?
Mal: Are you kidding me? A twenty-foot tall sasquatch that nobody’s discovered yet?
Tal: Well they did discover him…
Mal: Here it comes.
Tal: After he was blown to pieces atop Mount Rushmore by Air Force Hellfire missiles.
Mal: And there it is: literally the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.
Mal: Okay, just today.
- Huge giant, chaotic neutral
- Armor Class 14 (natural armor)
- Hit Points 138 (12d12 + 60)
- Speed 30 ft.
- STR DEX CON INT WIS CHA
- 22 (+6) 11 (+0) 20 (+5) 8 (−1) 6 (−2) 10 (+0)
- Damage Vulnerabilities thunder, fire
- Damage Resistances bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing from non-magical weapons
- Senses passive Perception 8
- Languages Giant
- Challenge 6 (2,300 XP)
Multiattack. The Bigfoot makes two fist attacks.
Fist. Melee Weapon Attack: +9 to hit, reach 10 ft., one target. Hit: 19 (3d8 + 6) bludgeoning damage.
Rock. Ranged Weapon Attack: +9 to hit, range 30/120 ft., one target. Hit: 28 (4d10 + 6) bludgeoning damage.
You can purchase How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Natural Disasters and “Bigfoot” at Amazon. Want your own Loot Crate? Sign up at LootCrate.com ($19.37/month for one month) and use code REV3 to receive 20% off.
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