Talien (AKA Tal) the satyr paladin and Maleficent (AKA Mal) the half-fiend/half-fey sorceress are back with yet another talk show, this one reviewing famous monsters and disasters from the Syfy channel, with stats for 5th Edition Dungeons & Dragons. In this episode our heroes discuss a giant snake.
Tal: So in today’s episode we discuss a mega python–
Mal: You mean a giant snake.
Tal: I distinctly remember saying “mega python.”
Mal: I heard you. But that’s just another word for giant snake. “Mega” means “giant” or “large — but in 5th Edition, anything of unusual size is once again named “giant” — and a python is a kind of snake. Stop gussying up your monsters.
Tal: Hey lady I don’t name ’em!
Mal: What’s so special about a huge python? You realize pythons are huge already, right? Is twenty-two feet not large enough for you?
Tal: These pythons fed on steroid-juiced gators that were specifically bred to cull their population–
Mal: Excuse me? Someone bred gators to kill pythons?
Tal: Shh, we’ll get to those later. It seems these pythons grew to three times their size, or “hundreds of yards or more.”
Mal: Which is it, three times their size of hundreds of yards? Triple the size of 22 feet is 66 feet. That’s not “hundreds of yards.”
Tal: It’s twice the size of Piranhaconda, or to put it another way, a mega python is two Piranhaconda’s long.
Mal: What the heck is Piranhaconda?
Tal: We’ll get to those later too. The Piranhaconda is 150-feet long, so I’m going to settle on mega pythons being 300-feet long.
Mal: Glad we used logic to reach that conclusion.
- Gargantuan beast, unaligned
- Armor Class 14
- Hit Points 100 (8d12 + 40)
- Speed 30 ft., swim 30 ft.
- STR DEX CON INT WIS CHA
- 27 (+8) 14 (+2) 16 (+5) 1 (−5) 10 (+0) 3 (−4)
- Skills Perception +2
- Senses blindsight 10 ft., passive Perception 12
- Languages —
- Challenge 2 (450 XP)
Bite. Melee Weapon Attack: +10 to hit, reach 10 ft., one creature. Hit: 17 (2d8 + 8) piercing damage.
Constrict. Melee Weapon Attack: +10 to hit, reach 5 ft., one creature. Hit: 19 (2d10 + 8) bludgeoning damage, and the target is grappled (escape DC 16). Until this grapple ends, the creature is restrained, and the snake can’t constrict another target.
Swallow. The mega python makes one bite attack against a Medium or smaller target it is grappling. If the attack hits, the target is swallowed, and the grapple ends. The swallowed target is blinded and restrained, it has total cover against attacks and other effects outside the mega python, and it takes 10 (3d6) acid damage at the start of each of the toad’s turns. The mega python can have only one target swallowed at a time. If the mega python dies, a swallowed creature is no longer restrained by it and can escape from the corpse using 5 feet of movement, exiting prone.
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