Talien (AKA Tal) the satyr paladin and Maleficent (AKA Mal) the half-fiend/half-fey sorceress are back with yet another talk show, this one reviewing famous monsters and disasters from the Syfy channel, with stats for 5th Edition Dungeons & Dragons. In this episode Mal’s worst fear comes true — cybernetic boars running amok in a hurricane.
Mal: I’d just like to say for the record that I am now convinced the producers are making up monsters as we go. There’s no way anyone would actually come up with “Boaricane” on their own.
Tal: You did. And they’re cyboars, actually.
Tal: Cyboars. Cybernetic boars. It’s a thing.
Tal: Why not? Cyboars aren’t really associated with hurricanes per se — it’s just the natural disaster that unleashes them.
Mal: So how are they different from regular boars?
Tal: Besides being twice the size of normal hogs, they have hydraulic-powered metal skeletons beneath their flesh and blood. This is most evident in their tusks, which are made of stainless steel and sharp as machetes.
Mal: You realize that boars are really powerful without cybernetics. They could have just used regular boars in a hurricane and it would have been awful enough.
Tal: You can never make a monster too awful. Or cybernetic.
- Large construct, unaligned
- Armor Class 16 (natural armor)
- Hit Points 42 (5d10 + 15)
- Speed 40 ft.
- STR DEX CON INT WIS CHA
- 17 (+3) 10 (+0) 16 (+3) 2 (−4) 7 (−2) 5 (−3)
- Damage Vulnerabilities lightning
- Damage Immunities poison
- Damage Resistances bludgeoning, piercing and slashing from nonmagical weapons
- Condition Immunities exhaustion, poisoned, prone
- Senses passive Perception 8
- Languages —
- Challenge 2 (450 XP)
Charge. If the boar moves at least 20 feet straight toward a target and then hits it with a tusk attack on the same turn, the target takes an extra 7 (2d6) slashing damage. If the target is a creature, it must succeed on a DC 13 Strength saving throw or be knocked prone.
Relentless (Recharges after a Short or Long Rest). If the boar takes 10 damage or less that would reduce it to 0 hit points, it is reduced to 1 hit point instead.
Tusk. Melee Weapon Attack: +5 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 10 (2d6 + 3) slashing damage.
The region containing a Boaricane creates one or more of the following effects:
- Hurricane-force winds bestow disadvantage on all piercing, bludgeoning, and slashing ranged attacks. To move forward, all two-legged creatures must make Strength saves 20.
- Torrential downpours obscure vision. All Perception checks are at disadvantage.
- The area is flooded with a depth of 1d10+10 feet. Melee attacks for land-dwelling creatures in water that is waist-height or higher suffer disadvantage. Characters must make an 15 Athletics check each round or suffer 1d6 bludgeoning damage.
You can purchase How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Natural Disasters at Amazon.
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