In 2009, this Examiner Women’s Relationship editorial section was created out of relationship frustration and regret. In 2014, there have been many changes to the Examiner, to the E Contributors and to the world. What does a “smart” relationship look like today? What are the ways that a woman can have a fruitful love life in which her mate is adding to and not subtracting from the relationship?
When you look at failed relationships such as Brittany Spears and Kevin Federline, it begs the question: what the??? Brittany was clearly successful and financially secure, when she found herself falling head first for this smooth operator, who danced his way into her dress and her heart. She should have left him in the music videos; it may have saved her a few bucks. She ended up with two of his children and a lawsuit against her, because he felt “entitled.” What an embarrassing situation for a woman. Brittany had just experienced a sad breakup with Justin Timberlake (someone equally successful), and was very vulnerable to fall for a ‘scrub.’ If you question the definition of that term, please refer to the old TLC song “I don’t want no scrub.” Today, Kevin is doing okay, with his new wife and family and Brittany has a boyfriend that her ex approves of. Life is good.
The “she” trend today is: being responsible with relationships. Be blissfully happy, financially secure and confidently fulfilled. It can happen, but you may have to weed out the guys who are not a good fit. Sounds easy. It is easy. Until you are blessed in the right relationship, one must treat prospective connections like a business deal. Don’t conduct a six-sigma interview on the poor guy, but pay close attention to the “whole” person and not just a few positive attributes. Looks are great, but they don’t mean much when things get tough. Compare and contrast the positives and the not-so-positives to come to a decision. Since we live in a lightning speed culture, there will be times when you have to make these decisions within a brief amount of time, so be ready.
When making these choices consider the following 10 important questions:
- Is this guy someone you could see yourself with 5, 10 years from now?
- Is this guy balanced enough that he can be gregarious, without being disrespectful (too flirty for your taste)?
- Is this guy financially secure, or at least ambitious enough to be capable of caring for himself, so that YOU are not expected to?
- Does he mind openly showing affection toward you?
- Can you hold a conversation about subjects you both find fascinating (not one-sided)?
- What is his relationship like with his family and friends (particularly his parents)?
- Does he display a healthy balance between being the chivalrous man you’re proud to be with and the sensitive man who understands you?
- If your life falls apart, do you see him being there for you? Would you do the same for him (reasonably, without over-doing it)?
- Does the thing that he most enjoys get on your last nerve? Can you realistically live with his current life situation (long term)?
- Does he have too many “friends” who are female and still need his attention?
When these questions are answered within a reasonable realm of consideration, it could save you a ton of time and heartache. Set a goal of time for making these decisions. At times, women have the proclivity to make rash decisions, without taking the time to consider more tactical approaches, when it involves a love relationship. The decision about who you will spend your life with is of the utmost importance and should not be taken lightly. If you can’t at least get 6 out of the 10 answered positively, make further considerations. Time is very valuable and should be treated as such. Hind sight is 20/20, and you can’t get back the time you gamble away.