“And many people came to him and began saying: “John did not perform a single sign, but all the things John said about this man were true.”” John 10:41
When a men and a woman meet something extra ordinary happens. Both come with prior sets of complex factors such as beliefs, values, expectations and thinking patterns that mix with underlying hormones – chemicals – needs – feelings and repertoire in their habits of conducts – actions – words – speech. Hard to say why certain words are uttered from moment to moment, conveying similar or different meanings. Certainly feelings could determine the conjuring of word that arise to give meaning in speech and communication in man and woman relationships. Basic feelings that give rise to words to convey the meaning may occur independent of the “audience”, a man or a woman. Or the words that arise could be dependent on the interaction of the above factors in both man and woman.
Commonly expected is that any man and woman would have the potential to intermingle. That is not the case, however. More often than not, a man or a woman have prior complex of normative, click, cohort, cultural, modes or trends in the manner speech and communication should be carried out. Just as dialects make a difference, the above factors too could simply change the moment to moment interactions affecting the outcome of the relation or intermingling.
Many failed intermingling-s seem to arise from introjections of meaning or intent in the opposite sex. Of course those introjections are not based on the reality of what is in the other person. They are based on what is in the person making the introjections. Simply, trying to read what the other person may be intending may affect the intermingling detrimentally. Why should that be?
One can think of over stepping boundaries, paranoid assumptions about the other, presumptions,
violating the other’s sacred inner world, implying deception on the part of the other, catching the other’s “deceptive ploy”, and hinging on knowing the other’s private basic needs. The reality is that from moment to moment the person’s needs may change, or differ from one’s own. His or her temperature, hunger, thirst, elimination or affection needs combined with prior expectations and habits (or the mode of being prior to intermingling) cannot be accurately subjected to one’s own subjective scope or point of view.
Trying to read or detect the other’s complex of factors combined with one’s own complex of factors, and the actual – real complex of factors in the other person may affect the natural adaptive stream of intermingling. May be couples would do better, if each would read his or her own, and may be ask about the other’s, complex of factors.