The quickest way to get over someone is to find the next someone. That’s what they tell you. What they don’t tell you is not dealing with your issues only orchestrates the next relationship failure.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been with someone, when you make a major commitment to them and things end abruptly, it’s going to hurt. When you have to cut off the emotions you had for someone, it feels like a swift chop in the throat. Everything you do somehow reminds you of them, of happier times. Naturally, you put a lot of energy into forgetting them. So you date more. You go out more. Somewhere in all of this new free time, you meet someone who’s good enough to make you forget the source of your heartbreak. But once the sun rises and you look in the mirror wondering what happened last night, you’ll see that no amount of new sex will replace that empty feeling.
Taking a break from the dating scene is a necessity, both mentally and physically. Relationships require you to be vulnerable. You have to be completely naked with a person in order for them to choose to love the full you. That process takes time. And when a relationship ends, you essentially have to take those bricks and rebuild a new wall. When you make the choice to take yourself out of the game, you reinvest in your wholeness. After all, it’s individual wholeness that makes a marriage successful.
When you have the time to yourself, you’re able to redefine what makes you happy and what matters most to you. Sometimes you lose that autonomy in a relationship. Not because you’re weak, but because you care about the strength of the unit. Maybe you lost touch with friends and family. Maybe you put down a talent that used to mean a lot to you. Maybe you forgot what it means to be a free-thinking man or woman. Relationships come with sacrifices and if one of those sacrifices happened to your identity, changing relationship partners won’t fix that.
When a meaningful relationship ends, you question everything about yourself. Why wasn’t I enough? What could I have done differently? How can I get him or her back? Nothing makes you ponder your value more than a relationship ending that you thought was destined forever. Taking a break will remind you of your actual value. Your value is solely determined by you. It can’t, and shouldn’t, be influenced by who loves or doesn’t love you. It’s not the world’s job to validate you’re worthy of unconditional love.
Rushing into a relationship before you’re fully recovered is unfair to your new significant other. For starters, they aren’t going to benefit from getting a new you. Even if you did nothing wrong in your previous relationship, the end of it still changed you in some way. We all need a moment (or a few) of clarity. In that space, you can figure out what you’re doing to attract the wrong person; especially if there’s an obvious “type”. Before you hop into something new, give yourself time to make better decisions on the type of person who actually deserves the type of person you are. Wiping your internal slate clean can’t be accomplished if you’re entertaining a new person.
It may not seem like it, but when you take a break from dating and relationships, you are teaching yourself how to be alone. There’s such a stigma in society that being single is a bad thing. Everybody needs to be dating and relating because marriage is the goal. But being single and alone isn’t the worst thing in the world. Knowing how to be happy by yourself ensures your ability to be able to make your next partner happy. Self-awareness is healthy when you can identify what makes you happy and maintain happiness without it being attached to a person. There’s few things more attractive than the traits that fall under good self-care.
We all have baggage; some heavier than others. As a dating adult, you’ll find that it’s exhausting getting to know new people only to have it not work for a litany of reasons. One of the best things you can do as a newly single person is to take time for yourself. A break is the opportunity to make yourself better and become the person you know you deserve.